Nick Bendel
Not as appealing as he once was
December 28th 2008 15:13
It's a painful comparison to have to make, but Lee is nothing more than a cricketing version of Sandra Sully. These glamorous blondes have always promised so much, but seldom delivered. Whenever the moment comes to perform, even those who ought to know better do not so much hope as expect that this time it will be done authoritatively. Yet more often than not, lines are fluffed, and the sort of limp display that one would expect of a summer substitute produced. Having consistently flattered to deceive, star status can no longer be justified- if, indeed, it ever could. After all these years, an understudy deserves to be given an extended audition, so that everybody can see whether or not they are deserving of top billing. A replacement could hardly do worse.
The problem with Bing is that he doesn't give you much bang for your buck. As you watch him come steaming in off the long run-up, as you watch him launch himself into the air, as you watch him hurl another red missile at the batsman, you can't help but think that one of these days it's going to land in the right place. Not short, not wide, not short and wide- and certainly not that Lee special, the short and wide no-ball- but pitched on a confusing length, naggingly just outside off stump. Yet the damn thing refuses to go where it's supposed to. And to make matters worse, as the New South Welshman keeps steaming in and keeps leaking runs, he invariably concludes that the answer to all his problems lies in steaming in just that little bit faster. It never seems to occur to him that it's not the bloke who does the most huffing and puffing who takes the most wickets- it's the bloke who most frequently puts the ball in threatening areas. How anybody could have played so many matches with Glenn McGrath and not learned that fundamental lesson is unfathomable.
Until recently, Lee was a bowler obsessed with speed. This was a man so in awe of his potency that he could not allow his mind to accept the tenet that opponents are generally beaten with brains rather than brawn. If a romantic analogy was to be adopted, he would be akin to one of those gym freaks who are convinced that all they have to do is flex and they can snare any girl they fancy. Who needs wit or sophistication when you're ripped? But as Bing is strutting around the nightclub without much luck, it turns out that his unassuming mate, Pigeon, is getting phone number after phone number. Appreciating that an ugly duckling needs to use his head if he wishes to succeed in the game of love, he has been employing clever conversation and droll banter to woo the ladies.
Only now that Lee has entered his senior cricketing years and watched his metaphorical muscles shrink has he begun to realise that he needs to adopt a more subtle form of seduction. Unfortunately, though, it is too late. The last decade should have been spent practicing pick-up lines, not staring at himself in the mirror. Consequently, when he tries to turn on the charm, he stumbles, with the result that he instinctively returns to his comfortable routine of flexing. If the routine didn't really work when he was young and virile, it's no surprise that it is looking increasingly wretched with every passing day.
With Brett Lee out of the reckoning- at least for the next test- the choice of replacement needs to be considered. Australia's leading reserves are Doug Bollinger, Nathan Bracken, Ben Hilfenhaus, Ashley Noffke and Shaun Tait- and Peter Siddle should also be added to the list, given that he is currently filling in for Stuart Clark. But hypothesising about these reserves is no easy matter, thanks to the muddled way in which the selectors have treated them. This is best exemplified by the case of Noffke. After an outstanding 2007-8 season, he was deservedly selected for the mid-year tour of the West Indies, only to be kept on the sidelines by Lee, Clark and Mitchell Johnson. Then, when the squad for India was chosen, the State Player of the Year was dumped in favour of Siddle- even though no cricket had been played in the intervening four months. Apparently, it was concluded that the Victorian had been resting more adroitly than the Queenslander.
And that has not been the only perplexing decision. It is extraordinary that an honest toiler like Siddle- a poor man's Merv Hughes if ever there was one- could be capped after just 12 Shield games, when far more wizened and cunning practitioners like Bracken and Bollinger can boast far more distinguished records. It is also odd that Siddle's bustling should be valued more highly than Hilfenhaus's thoughtful swing. While the continuing omission of Tait is logical- even the South Australian admits that he does not currently belong in the test side- there is no apparent reason why Siddle has managed to leapfrog his four main challengers.
Siddle- like Lee- is a hard worker and a team player, but he lacks the ability (or perhaps the intellect) to land the ball in the right areas. Far too often, he falls into the fast bowler's trap of pitching it too short, although this is a failing that will hopefully be rectified with experience. Bracken, by contrast, knows precisely which spot to aim for, and hits it more often than not. He richly deserves the chance to don the baggy green again, yet almost certainly won't, as the selectors appear to have pigeonholed him as somebody who can only be relied upon in coloured clothing. Noffke is another who has done enough to warrant selection, but, if the Siddle saga is anything to go by, won't be receiving a call from the selectors any time soon.
That leaves Bollinger and Hilfenhaus. Both men swing the ball, and as Zaheer Khan demonstrated during the recent series in India, movement through the air induces false strokes from the batsman. The latter looks a skillful player and, if granted an extended run, could prove to be the next Damien Fleming. However, the former is surely a better bet; he is no less gifted than the Tasmanian, and his greater experience could be a vital addition to a team that is looking shaky, and which contains an immature attack.
So which bowler will be the next long-term addition to the Australian eleven? Siddle seems like the worst of the bunch, and already he is causing more problems than Lee. As for Bollinger, he has the potential to out-perform the veteran from his very first test. Perhaps the most sensible decision the selectors could make is to agree that the time has come to pick Anyone But Bing. Dr Evil said it best: there's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster.
| 49 |
| Vote |
